


"Wasted Youth" by FLETCHER

by SophisticatedRainbowSprinkles



Series: Melodies [7]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Baby Gay Alex Danvers, College, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Falling In Love, Gay Panic, Songfic, Tags Are Fun, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 06:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14764488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophisticatedRainbowSprinkles/pseuds/SophisticatedRainbowSprinkles
Summary: I decided to write an entire fic about this beautifully gay music video, along with the underlying theme of what it means to waste your youth. There may be smut, but no promises. Look out for a rating change...College Maggie drags Alex away from her textbooks for a night they will never forget.TW: None.





	1. Disillusioned

**Author's Note:**

> You can listen to the song throughout, but don't watch the (super gay) music video until the end
> 
> https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=btfnYfdaOmM#FLETCHER_-_Wasted_Youth_(Official_Audio)

“Let’s get out of here” Maggie grabs Alex’s wrist and pulls it away from the page. Alex has not left the university library in nearly 36 hours. Her body quivers from the last dose of Monster she dumped into her system. Her eyes have become bloodshot, and it’s clear to Maggie that the past 6 hours have been a total wash, but Alex keeps clinging onto the text like a life preserver in a storm. She has been like that all semester. In high school, Alex was dedicated to her schoolwork, but since college it has been an addiction. Alex has devolved into this robot who seems to believe her only purpose in life is to spit out facts and statistics about synarthrophysis and notanencephalia and a million other medical terms that the world will little note nor long remember. She never stops. She mumbles about the causes of choreoathetosis in her sleep at night. Maggie listens from the other side of the room. She never goes out anywhere other than the library. Her fridge is full of beer and half empty takeout containers. This is not living. Maggie has been desperate to help her roommate but unable to find a way to do it until right now. Maggie resolves to try and give her the world, if only for tonight. She pushes down the fact that she is maybe in love with her. Tonight is about Alex.

“Maggie no.”

“Come on, Lexicon. You know everything in those books.”

“But what if I don’t?” Her voice cracks, strained by stress and sleeplessness.

Maggie closes the book and puts her hands on both of Alex’s shoulders, turning her so they are face to face.

“I believe in you. You will do fine. Let’s go.”

Maggie pulls her out of her chair and steals the book, before running out of the study space towards the stairs. Her curly black ponytail bounces behind her, her face etched with joy and freedom. Alex would give up the whole future to see that face everyday. 

She's been reading the signs that she might be gay for months. Accelerated heart rate. Blushing. Sudden warm feeling, even in cold environments. 

For a while she thought she was sick with some unknown illness, but her symptoms never resolved themselves, so she asked one of her professors, who grinned and implied that the issue may be psychological. He went on to ask Alex about any romantic encounters she had, and she assured him that there were none. She didn't even know any guys at the whole university. The only person at the whole school she knew was Maggie Sawyer, a nice girl from her old high school who paired up with her to be roommates so they would avoid getting stuck with weird strangers. She went on about Maggie for about 10 minutes before the professor started beaming at her again. He asked her if she had ever given her romantic future any thought. She replied that of course she hadn't, her job was to learn and go out and make money. Romance is outdated. He asked if maybe she hasn't looked in the right places. Alex lashes out, but he wraps her into a hug anyway. She collapses into tears, her brain floating back to memories of hugs just like this. 

Professor McNeil sits and soothes the scrawny underfed 19 year old for what feels like hours. He realizes very quickly that this girl truly has nobody else in her corner, just from the way she seems to melt into him. He's seen many just like her, first years who've suddenly left behind everything they ever knew and entered this dystopian world where letter grades determine entire lives. He decides to shift the focus and talk about how he met and fell in love with his husband, back when they were both in the army fighting in Vietnam. The decade was tumultuous but it was a new beginning for them. It was terrifying, but it was worth it. 

She tunes most of it out, too distracted by thinking about telescopes and thanksgiving dinners that will never be the same. She only understands him much, much later.

After that she started to examine her psychological symptoms. Inescapable thoughts about Maggie in that one tank top she wears to the gym. She found herself thinking about her lips, her strong arms, her long flowing hair every single day. All of these experiments lead to the onset of her prior symptoms as well as a couple less than appropriate responses down there... The more she gets into it, the deeper she falls in her attraction, but she tries to convince herself that it's merely physical. Her body needs a stimulus to indulge its evolutionary need for sexual satisfaction, and since she keeps refusing to give into that evolutionary drive, it has grown beyond her control.

Alex has been running from her feelings for so long she could enter the Olympics, but in this moment, standing on the second floor landing of the library, looking down at the sheer joy that glows like a halo around Maggie Sawyer, she knows. This is what love feels like. 

Dark red high top converse smack across the marble floor and out the big glass double doors, followed closely by a pair of beat up blue tennis shoes. The noise attracts the glares of many other lethargic young adults, the prisoners of highlighted notebooks and higher expectations.

The frigid air slams into their faces as they greet the outside world. Only a few lights illuminate the eerily quiet parking lot. 

“Where are we going?” Alex finally calls out, out of breath from all the running.

“Anywhere.” Maggie presses the unlock button on her car keys, and they both turn and make a mad dash for her little black sedan.

Alex practically throws herself into the shotgun seat, excited to be anywhere but here for a little while. Maggie settles into her seat, stopping to think for just a moment, before turning the key in the ignition and disappearing off into the night.

  
  



	2. Until Tomorrow Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit depressing. Sorry about that. You can skip this chapter and get back to the fluff without losing anything crucial.
> 
> I just kinda wanted to toy with the idea of youth here. I promise to get back to the music video at hand soon after. Also sorry about my obsession with car ride filler chapters in fanfic. It's my own personal trope.
> 
> “Do you ever think about the fact that there was a point in your childhood where your only purpose was to have fun?”
> 
> TW: Alex and Maggie's canon backstories. Mentioned Prescription Drug Addiction. Mentioned Miscarriage.

They tore down back roads with all four windows down, too absorbed by the feeling to care that it was cold, or that despite living together for 4 months they barely knew each other. All that mattered in the world was this single indeterminate moment of freedom that filled them both with a sweet sort of terror. 

“Do you ever think about the fact that there was a point in your childhood where your only purpose was to have fun?” Alex begin rambling into the empty air, “You splashed in the kiddie pool and squirted water guns at your parents and your only concern was a little sunburn on your face? The world was out there with all its sickness and struggle but it wasn’t your job to fix it. All you had to do was exist and that was enough, and then suddenly your life changes all at once and suddenly nothing is ever enough and the whole world with all its shit swallows you up.”

Maggie doesn’t look away from the road as she answers, “First of all, it isn’t your job, Alex. You want to save the world, but it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person is you. You’re nineteen years old. The point of life never stopped being happiness. I think the best way to live is to maximize the happiness of everyone you can, including you.”

She pauses for a moment, deliberating and gathering courage, “I don’t know about you, but I remember the exact moment my childhood ended. I grew up in Podunk Nebraska. One of those towns that was basically just farmland surrounding a single public school and a post office. My parents couldn’t deal with the fact that I was gay, so they kinda threw me out. I ended up with an aunt in Midvale. They’d already cast her out because she got pregnant out of wedlock two decades ago. She lost that baby. She still had the baby books tucked away in a dusty cupboard last I checked. My aunt is the sweetest person, but she’s never quite been able to make a relationship last, and now she’s too old to have a kid I think. Sorry, I’m not a clever ass med student like some people. In retrospect, I wonder if that’s why she took care of me so well. I was like the kid that could have been. ”

Alex hesitates. She doesn’t know what gets her to talk, but the words just kinda start flowing, “When I was 15, my parents adopted my sister. Her whole family died in a fire. She was the only person who made it out. She was littler than I was, and she needed someone, so I encouraged her to lean on me, but I wasn’t strong enough to deal with those images in my head. The world is so fucked up, you know? I did anything to make it go away. I got my wisdom teeth taken out and they put me on oxy, and I couldn’t stop. Before I knew it, I come home to my mom crying. His car spun off the road in the rain. My dad was gone. He was there, and then he just wasn’t anymore. My mom made me into a second parent. I knew she was hurting, so I let her push me farther than I could handle. Nowadays I can’t stop. I can’t stop thinking about how tomorrow everything could just be gone. The sun could collapse into itself and nothing would be here anymore. I always feel like I have to achieve everything right now. And god, Maggie, I just want to feel something that’s real. I want to believe that the whole fucking world isn’t full of crap”

Maggie stops the car, parking it in a lot somewhere Alex doesn't recognize. “The world is full of crap, but it’s also full of so much more than that, Alex.”

Maggie finally turns to look at the beautiful girl beside her. She’s shocked to find that Alex has been smiling weakly at her.

“I hope so.”


	3. Who needs a fantasy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story keeps getting longer. Hopefully cuter tho. 
> 
> "Is this a date?" Alex blurts out all at once. Cue the adorable gay panic. This is the first half of the restaurant scene from the music video.
> 
> TW: None. Just some good old fashioned gay fluff featuring old motorcycles and questionable beverage choices. Happy Pride!

Maggie drags her past the blue and red neon “Open 24 hours” sign into the diner before she has a chance to react. Maggie immediately goes to ask for a table. Meanwhile Alex looks around in every direction. There is so much to take in. The colors and sounds are almost too much for Alex’s brain. The entire place has a 1950’s Americana theme, with posters of Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley, as well as so many icons Alex feels like she should recognize but she doesn’t. The first thing Alex’s mind clearly focuses on is the bike in the corner.

“Is that a 1948 Indian Chief?” Alex tugs Maggie’s arm like a little kid at the fair.

“1947. She’s beautiful, isn’t she” Maggie beams at her. As if she wasn’t already infatuated with this girl, of course she likes motorcycles. They both approach the bike, and Alex reaches out towards the bike and reaches for it, but refuses to touch it for fear of hurting the baby.

“You can sit on the bike. Just be gentle. Oh, and tell your friends.” One of the employees calls from behind the dessert counter.

Alex runs her long lithe fingers along the dazzling deep red paint job that sparkles in the light, before pulling herself up onto the seat. She hands Maggie her flip phone. The moment Alex starts posing on the bike, Maggie has to bite her lip and look away for a second. She had a dream like this once, except Alex was wearing a leather jacket.  _ Just _ a leather jacket.

Alex runs her fingers through her long brown hair throwing it so it settles in a gorgeous mess on the other side of her head. 

Maggie starts to wonder if this is a dream. 

“Maggie…” 

She feels Alex pulling her phone out of her hand, checking the photos.

“Aw. None of them look good.” Alex frowns a little bit, going into the settings to delete the pictures. Maggie wrenches the phone away from her.

“They’re perfect. They all look perfect.”

Now it’s Alex’s turn to blush and stare at the floor. She can’t imagine someone as amazing as Maggie would lie. Wait was that flirting? Is this a date?

“Sawyer. Party of 2.”

Maggie’s heart swells a little bit. She’s never heard that before. Usually she walks in here alone and sits at the booth. She’s never taken a girl to a restaurant. 

Once they’re settled, Alex asks the burning question.

“Is this a date?” She blurts out all at once.

“What?” Maggie blushes again and stares out the window.

“It’s not is it? You’re probably not even gay. I’m sorry I made this weird.” Alex gets up to walk out of the diner, only vaguely registering that her car is still at the library and she has no idea where she is. 

She feels Maggie’s hand on her wrist, pulling her back. All of a sudden Maggie’s lips are on hers, and god it feels like everything she ever imagined and more. Shit she felt that in a lot of places. She feels all bubbly in her chest, and hot everywhere else. The kiss somehow lasts forever, and yet it’s not long enough.

“So that’s a yes? Because I want to do that again. So, so many times.” Alex keeps blurting out her feelings as they come to her in a kind of incoherent excited mess.

“I would like that.”

The second kiss is somehow even better than the first. It’s less sloppy and yet more needy. Alex could get lost in this feeling forever.

The waitress, an older woman with greying hair pulled into a bun with a pen stuck in it, clears her throat loudly, waiting for them to stop.

“Would you like anything to drink?”

“Can I get a coke?” Alex pipes up.

“Of course you can, Darling. What about you, Maggie dear?”

“The same as always. Thank you very much, Sandra.”

“One Coke and one Sweet Tea with lemon for the lovely young ladies.” Sandra walks back behind the counter to the soda machine.

“Why sweet tea?” Alex asks, genuinely curious about the unorthodox choice.

“My mom drank it growing up. She was Alabama born and Arkansas raised. Don’t laugh.” Maggie starts reading through the menu, even though she knows exactly what she wants. The first page is a brief history of the diner, which was modeled off the painting “NightHawks” by Edward Hopper.

“I wasn’t going to.” Alex opens her menu as well, and is immediately drawn to the history page.

“I love that painting. It’s such an accurate depiction of how it feels to be alone when everyone around you has someone. The shadowing is so intricate and well utilized thematically.” 

“I didn’t take you for an art aficionado, Lex.”

“I was on the quiz bowl team in high school. Like hard core. I got a varsity letter for it. I was the third highest scorer in the district. I kinda had to study everything. I was a secretly a massive gay nerd. I also did robotics and tech theater. Don’t laugh.”

“I wasn’t going to.” Maggie smiles over her menu.

“You’re thinking about it.” Alex points out her grin. She looks like the cat who ate the canary.

“I was just thinking about how out of my league you are. Beautiful and smart. I knew you were a genius, but is there anything you aren’t a master of, Lexicon?”

“Cooking. The last time I tried I melted a spatula into the caramel sauce and set off the smoke alarm.” 

Okay now Maggie is laughing, but it’s the most brilliant sound Alex has heard in her entire life. Maggie Sawyer’s laugh sounds the way sunshine feels on your skin after a long cold winter.

“Here you are, Sweetheart.” Sandra says as she places the soda in an old fashioned glass in front of Alex. 

“And for Maggie. Your favorite. Do you two know what you want to eat?”

While Maggie is retrieving her own drink, Alex rips the tip of the paper off her straw, and blows the rest at Maggie, who starts giggling again when it hits her in the face.

“ALEX!” She shouts between fits of laughter, “I think we need another minute or two.”

“That’s fine. I’m glad you’re having fun.”

This is better than a dream, Maggie thinks to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to make a revision. I didn't realize Nebraska was so far north damn. Also, why do I know Night Hawks by Edward Hopper? Because all the things I said about Alex are correct descriptions of me. I worked my ass off for that varsity letter, I'll have you know. And my varsity theater water bottle.


	4. Take the Good Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God I love this fic more than life. Like I hope you guys like it, but I'm gonna keep it going either way.
> 
> The rest of the restaurant scene. Whipped Cream. Bad Lesbian Puns. Flirtatious Nicknames. Sexual Histories. All the fluff.
> 
> TW: Still fine?

“There was a grocery store out there.” Maggie blurted out of the blue.

“What?” Alex blew into her straw, sending a cascade of bubbles through her already heavily carbonated drink, giggling at herself over the frivolity of it all.

“Out there.” Maggie nods towards the window, “There was this big ass grocery store that sold these little one person cakes for $3. Now it’s just… gone.”

Alex looks out at the huge empty space. She noticed it before, but it meant nothing. A vacancy in a world full of them. She takes a moment to think about how every gap belongs to someone. Somebody out there misses everything and everyone else when they’re gone in this tangled up mess of loss we call the universe. Then, she goes back to her drink shenanigans.

“I’m sorry Maggie.” Alex gets up from her side of the booth and walks around to squeeze onto Maggie’s side. They cuddle by necessity in the tiny seat, but both take such great comfort in the sensations and their ramifications that they almost don’t notice their food.

Alex ordered a breakfast platter fit for a queen. It had taken some convincing on Maggie’s part that she wasn’t breaking some imaginary law about eating pancakes at eleven o’clock.

Maggie had settled for her usual. A cheeseburger with bacon and as many french fries as her current mood dictated. This place served bottomless fries, and a bottomless Maggie had frequented it for this reason. Now she may not have that problem anymore. Maybe. Who knows? But still, french fries.

Alex fumbled for her silverware, which remained on the other side of the table, and proceeded to very slowly and methodically cut her chocolate chip pancakes into perfect eighths, before licking the side of the knife giddily.

“Powdered sugar and whipped cream. I see you swing both ways, Lexicon.” 

Alex swipes her finger through her whipped cream and plops it onto Maggie’s nose.

“Why did you do that?” Maggie snorts into a sip of her drink. She starts trying to lick the whipped cream off her own nose.

Alex doesn’t think very much before she answers. “Nice to see what you can do with your tongue, Magnanimous.”

Maggie blushes hard. “Did you just make up that nickname on the fly?”

Alex ducks down a little to lick the whipped cream off of Maggie’s nose herself. 

“Two can play at the flirtatious nickname game, Magma.”

“Why magma?”

“Because you’re hot and kinda scare me.” Alex shovels a large bite of scrambled eggs into her mouth.

“Why?” Maggie’s dark chocolate eyes lose their competitive, cocky sparkle and goe soft for a moment.

“You’re hot shit, Chick Magnet. I’m surprised you don’t have girls busting down your door every night. Or do you only have ladies over when I’m at the library?”

Alex Danvers thinks I’m a player, Maggie thinks to herself, basking in the selfish pride for just a second before leaning into her. The truth sucks.

“There have been no ladies. Ever. I’m still a virgin.”

Alex’s brain has to take a second to reboot, “Why?”

“Well I don’t know, Lex.” Maggie picks up the receiver for the fake old fashioned payphone on the wall. She does her best Billy Mays advertiser voice impression, “Hello would you like to have sex with a Mexican lesbian with no self esteem, experience, or smoothness whatsoever? Then I’ve got a deal for you. Hello?” She pretends the person on the other end hung up. A tiny flash of actual rejection washes over her, but she plays it off. Alex catches it anyway.

“Maggie…” Alex snuggles against her so closely she’s basically sitting in her lap at this point. “I think you’re smooth. And I’ve never slept with a girl before. I’ve never really enjoyed any of the sex I’ve had. It’s okay.”

They remain in this squished position all through the rest of their meal, until Sandra comes back with the check and a chocolate milkshake.

“We didn’t order that.” Maggie quirks an eyebrow at her favorite waitress and second favorite person. 

“It’s on the house.” The woman 

Maggie smiles down at the two straws and leans in to share her smile and her milkshake with Alex’s lips.

They leave a $20 tip on their way out. They don't need the money. They have what money can't buy.


	5. Running wild through the concrete jungle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus. Lots of travelling. Not much internet. Still, very good summer. 
> 
> The title is the best description
> 
> TW: I mention the experience of getting hit by a car. It doesn't actually happen don't worry.  
> They both get a little sleepy emotional. Is it just me, or is there a specific kind of mood swing that pertains to tiredness. Like your emotions are intense in a wispy kind of way. Idk.

The frigid air smacks Alex in the face as she pushes open the frosty glass door of the diner. Maggie revels in the beauty of the blush that overtakes her ears and nose. She’s certain she’s turning a little red as well, although she isn’t certain why anymore. It doesn’t really matter.

“I wanna go over there.” Maggie nods towards the construction site where the grocery store once was. 

Alex’s face lights up at Maggie’s poorly concealed enthusiasm, and she nods vigorously back at her. 

They both take off across the abandoned parking lot of the usually busy strip mall hand in hand at a breakneck pace. Some indiscernible mixture of adrenaline and exertion warm them. They jog in a curvy, aimless path, jumping the medians and walking the concrete parking barriers like tightropes. They watch each other as both their giggles float up into the sky. In the daylight, they would have to abide by the painted lines. They’d get run over for playing this game. Adulthood is composed of lines. Wait in line. Sign your name on on the line. Read your lines and don’t improvise. Don’t step one toe out of line. 

It’s funny how rarely you get to color outside the lines as an adult. The rules get stricter. The punishments get stiffer. Life becomes black and white. The world is built of straight lines, and takes poorly to people who don’t fit between them.

After some meandering, the daring couple reaches their original destination. Maggie sucks her lower lip into her mouth and chews on it a little. The gesture is almost imperceptible, but Alex notices. She notices everything. She feels like the world exists to be observed and understood as widely and deeply as possible. Her mind yearns to take every path of discovery it can find, but every single one branches off into more and more fractals of existence. The search exhausts her. There’s not enough time to understand the universe. There’s never gonna be time for that, but her starving mind keeps sprinting down roads that never end.

In her heart, all roads lead back to Maggie. Her heart knows that Maggie contains multitudes. Maybe, just maybe, if she can understand Maggie, if she can be enough for Maggie, that will be enough.

“What is it?” She breathes out softly. Alex keeps a little distance between them, thinking that Maggie probably needs her space.

Maggie begins to quiver, and something about it tells Alex’s that she isn’t just shivering.

“Talk to me, Maggie.” Alex gets close enough that Maggie can feel the wisps of her breath against her temple.

“It’s gone.” She repeats a couple times. Maggie’s brain swims with all the yesterdays. Her first time buying groceries by herself. Becoming casual friends with the boy at the deli counter. Winning $27 dollars on a lottery scratcher and having her name put up on the wall. She slowly stutters out little broken fragments of stories for Alex. There’s so much more, but she can’t.

Alex finally, finally wraps Maggie into her arms, “It’s okay, baby.”

Maggie starts sniffling as she melts into the newfound warmth.


	6. Hanging On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. Isn't it great when it's finally the appropriate time of year?
> 
> Alex takes a risk. Will Maggie?
> 
> TW: I hope you're not afraid of heights.

Maggie bristles at the sudden unbearable loss of Alex’s warmth against her. She shakes her head slightly, before looking up to see Alex already halfway up the chain link fence.

“Well, are you coming, Magnavox, or are you just gonna watch?”

The noise Maggie makes in response isn’t quite a word, but she nods and rushes towards the edge of the cold metal.

Looking up at Alex like this, enveloped by an endless cloak of stars and darkness, she can’t help the way her heart flutters. It seems as though Alex is moments away from taking off into the atmosphere and dancing with that far away swirl of galaxies and worlds that Maggie can little imagine. Alex seems to be floating on this kind of confident rebellion Maggie has never seen, but now that she’s found it she never wants it to stop.

Her own toe slips the first time she tries to hook it into a hole in the chains. By this point, Alex has pitched herself perfectly over the edge.

“I know you can, Maggie.” she wriggles her hand through a gap in the wire, just so that Maggie can feel her presence again. She wants Maggie on her side.

Maggie steps back, taking a few deep breaths and wiping away the half dry tears that have been freezing her. Then, she runs.

She doesn’t remember the part where she actually got over the barrier, but she knows she's safe when she's back in Alex’s comforting arms again…

Maggie finds it interesting how safety changes over time. It seems ever elusive as you trudge into adulthood. When you’re a child, safety lies in people. There is nothing that cannot be helped by a tight hug and a good cry.

As you grow, its meaning morphs. The idea of safety gets thrown around like torn wrapping paper and dumped into the trash. Safety Schools. Safe investments. We ruin our bodies and our minds, just to be safe.

When did we decide for ourselves we were unworthy of emotional and physical comfort? At some point, we have to realize we were right the first time. At some point, we need to get over the walls.

Alex takes the lead onto the I beams, dancing along the edge with the grace of a trained ballerina and the excitement of a child watching the ballet for the first time.

It feels so rare at this age to do much of anything exciting for the first time. There's still milestones left, but little glimmers of wonder are few and far between. When you dig them up in the rubble of the everyday, the world expects a tapered enthusiasm at most. Be happy. Move onto something else. Happiness seems like a rest stop instead of a destination these days, Maggie mutters in her head.

Maggie can't stop panting from the exhaustion by the time she catches up. Alex has found a place high up in the structure to sit down, dangling her legs over the open air.

Maggie joins her hesitantly, curling herself up to keep warm and trying not to look down.

“How are you not scared?” she finally asks.

Alex ponders her answer for a second.

“I am. Just not about this.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Leave any song recommendations/feedback below. I read every comment.


End file.
